When you spend one day in shit, you might as well make it five.

After I had a somewhat honest-hearted day at work, I went out with Heather and Misty and came home feeling like crap. Granted, I was pissed off because we didn’t end up doing what I originally thought we were going to, and I think I have a right to be pissed off about that, but I just walked home from shopping just so I could relay all of my personal bullshit with myself.

I didn’t go camping, so it’s my issue that I feel kind of down that I didn’t get to join in on the fun that everybody else did. And I have to deal with the fact that the trip is all they’re going to be talking about for a while. I can’t expect them not to. This is why I hate that decision of staying or going. I wasn’t really in the mood to go camping at the time, but by not going I’d have to face all of the stories and the playbacks of everything that went on without me. And I sort of am now.

Eh.

I don’t know why I’ve spent so much of my life feeling as though I’m some kind of lame person that nobody wants to spend any time with. That isn’t the truth really, despite the fact that yes, I may be lame, and yes, when I’ve already come home from work and decide to spend my night alone, I probably won’t want to go out for a drink if somebody just calls me up and expects me to go.

Eventually, after I spend enough time feeling like crap, I can go out again. That’s the way it always works out with me. And I realize that to some that it might be frustrating. It’s mostly frustrating for me. Normally I’d go about the process of trying to change that, but fuck it, I’ve spent all these years trying to figure out why I always tend to get this way; I might as well just say, “That’s just me”, and not blame everyone else for my issues.

Because it isn’t that bad, for fuck’s sake.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 20th, 2008 at 7:37 pm and is filed under Depression. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.